This is a painful blog post for me to write. Because I know my number one blog reader, won’t be reading it. (Or commenting on it.) Because it makes this past week a reality. And because it’s hard to put it all into words, but I’m going to try. Events like this are what inspired me to create my bucket list in the first place and really start living life starting today, not waiting for “someday”. Let this be a reminder that life is fragile and short and we should make the most out of the time we have here and with each other.
It’s with a heavy heart that I share that my dear friend, Ashley McGowan, passed away unexpectedly Monday from a pulmonary embolism. A blood clot formed in her lung and while the team at the hospital tried their hardest to revive her, her heart couldn’t take it anymore. She was 28, a good friend, and a force to be reckoned with. Ashley and I met at a happy hour that was being put on by the recent college graduate network at work that she organized. When I met her, I noticed two things immediately: 1) She’s like a fricking mayor–she knew everyone at the happy hour, had a personal story for them and I wouldn’t have been surprised if she knew everyone in town, even though she had only been in Oregon for a little over 6 months. 2) The girl is loud. Not in a in-your-face-I’m-feeling-overwhelmed-loud (she only reserves that voice for when she’s REALLY excited) but loud in the sense that you can’t be in Ashley’s vicinity and not know her or feel her presence. She seemed nice enough, and I could see how we were similar, but I wasn’t looking for more friends when I met her. Ashley, had other ideas. That day she called her mom and the conversation went a little like this:
Ashley: “Mom! I met someone today.”
Mom: “You did?” (thinking it’s a guy!)
Ashley: “Yes. And she’s great!”
Mom: “Oh?” (hmm…is there something I need to know?)
Ashley: “Her name is Sejal. She’s really cool. And I really want to be friends with her! But I don’t want to scare her off, so I think I’m going to slow play this.”
And what Ashley wants, Ashley gets. (To be honest, I felt honored–who doesn’t like to be pursued?!) I’m not quite sure when we became friends, but it happened. Over time, we hung out more, bonded over our mutual love for Grey’s Anatomy, delicious food, baked goods (she baked, I ate–it worked out great!)–and became great friends. While we had our similarities, it was really our differences that was the foundation of our friendship. She was emotional while I was more rational. I helped her see the big picture and not sweat the small stuff while she helped me recognize and own my emotions and not be afraid to express them. She could make friends with a chair and would walk up to strangers and say hi, I’d prefer an introduction. (Though as crazy as you may think this sounds, both of us had our shy sides and moments. … Stop laughing or rolling your eyes!) I wouldn’t wear heels because I’d feel “too tall” around my mostly short group of friends, while she didn’t give a shit and would grab heels from my collection and rock them like the champ she is. We’d open up to each other about our goals and struggles and hold each other accountable. When we set goals to eat better, we bought matching waterbottles (mine was pink, hers was purple) and would go on water breaks to the cafe together. She’d also text me/IM me asking what I had for breakfast/lunch/dinner and cheer me on, or scold me, based on my choices.
We’d get giddy over our newest kitchen gadget, trade yummy healthy eating recipes and share our love lives. If there was something that needed to get done, we did that for each other. From spending the night after a wisdom tooth surgery to airport pick ups and drop offs to making dinner together to sending a dish to Can-Indian Thanksgiving even when she couldn’t attend, our friendship was special. I could go on and on about Ashley stories and how we learned to snowboard together or how she was more excited than me when I got my SCUBA certification because it meant we could go diving together or how our 5 minute water breaks would turn into 20 minute breaks because she knew everyone in the cafe by name and would stop and talk to each of them or how she could the karaoke the heck out of any song (a personal fave is when we did TLC’s Waterfalls: I “sang” she “rapped”). We created more memories on our time together on a softball team and bowling team (where neither of us was especially consistently great at bowling, but the Spirit Award was in the bag thanks to our creative costumes, her cupcakes and our combined tweets via @smileysejalee and @ashmcg02. Which btw, if you read Ashley’s profile,…smh, that girl and her sense of humor.)
I, like most of her friends and family, was shocked (and still am) but over the past few days, it’s started to sink in and become a reality. I’ve had people in my life pass away before, but they were usually older or sick, which made their passing inevitable. Those who were younger, were distant friends. This was the first time that I’ve unexpectedly lost someone and had someone call me directly to tell me the news. And the first time I’ve had to call people to deliver heartbreaking news like this. I’m shocked and sad but never did I ask why–because I know I won’t get an answer that will make sense. And I know that in the big picture, this is just the way that it’s supposed to be. And instead of being sad or mad about not being able to do things we wanted to do together, the things we talked about doing together, that my focus was going to be on the short, amazing, time we did have and the memories that came from it.
I look around my life and I see reminders of her. As sad as I am that she’s no longer physically with us, her presence is felt and I smile at the memories. I have these beautiful peacock earrings that we bought together. She taught me a way to style my wavy/curly hair so that it looked less crazy. I wore cowboy boots to her memorial–they were boots she gave me after my first country bar experience because it was her Texan duty to make sure I had a legitimate, comfortable, stylish pair of cowboy boots.
There has been an overwhelming amount of support and prayers and wishes that people have sent–people who know Ashley, people who don’t know Ashley, people who just hear her story and want to offer their support. Thank you, to all of you. It means the world and is amazing to see Ashley’s impact. I know Ashley is supremely touched right now. I don’t think she quite realized how loved she is and how many lives she’s touched. She wouldn’t want us to cry and mourn, she’d want us to celebrate her life and continue to spread her spirit. (Actually, she’d want us to cry a little bit, because she’s crying because she’s so touched—and she doesn’t like crying alone.)
Ashley was always the first (and only?) person to read my blog posts and comment on them, making this even harder to write, but I’m going to believe that there’s internet access up there and she’ll find a way to read this 🙂 Ashley, I love you and I miss you. Thank you for making me a better person and my world a better place to live in. You’ll always live on in my memories and through the lessons you’ve taught me. To find more joy (per #25 on your Thirty Before Thirty list) in the big things, the little things, the ordinary things, the extraordinary things. You’re on to something here–there’s joy in everything, but it’s up to us to see it, to recognize it, and to share it. To love fearlessly. You loved without any expectation, any bounds, any fe
ar–you just went for it. You gave with gusto and felt with your heart and weren’t afraid to show it or share it. Be the best you. You weren’t perfect, and you knew that, and that’s what made you the best Ashley you could be. You were so self-aware, it was inspiring and something I strive to achieve. You knew exactly who you were, what your strengths were, what your flaws were, and you accepted them, you embraced them–girl, you flaunted them. You really encouraged me to be the best version of me I could be and to do things for me, not because I should or could or was expected to.
I know you’re watching over me. I love you. I miss you. This is for you.
(I just went through your blog posts–it’s almost like we had a sign a year ago that life could be taken from us at any moment. We went to lunch and Ashley almost saw me get T-boned driving back to the office.)
62 thoughts on “Rest in Peace, Ashley”
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Someone once told me you don’t need email, just dil-mail. Internet or no internet where she is, there is a dilnet connection and I’m sure she’s felt your love loud and clear. Love you Sej and I’m so happy to know that you have such incredible people in your life.
Thank you sister! Love the concept. Dilnet it is 🙂 (FYI to everyone else, dil means heart in Hindi)
Someone once told me you don’t need email, just dil-mail. Internet or no internet where she is, there is a dilnet connection and I’m sure she’s felt your love loud and clear. Love you Sej and I’m so happy to know that you have such incredible people in your life.
Thank you sister! Love the concept. Dilnet it is 🙂 (FYI to everyone else, dil means heart in Hindi)
Well, written, Sejal! I wish I had known Ashley better. Good thing I have you to reach me the lessons you learned from her. Love across the miles!!
Thank you, Megan! Appreciate the love and support. And you and Ashley would have loved each other–and not just because you have me in common.
Well, written, Sejal! I wish I had known Ashley better. Good thing I have you to reach me the lessons you learned from her. Love across the miles!!
Thank you, Megan! Appreciate the love and support. And you and Ashley would have loved each other–and not just because you have me in common.
Thank you Sejal,I am so happy that mybabygirl had you in her life.
I’m pretty thrilled she slow played me too 😉 (Might be the only time she’s slow played anything eh? 🙂 )
Thank you Sejal,I am so happy that mybabygirl had you in her life.
I’m pretty thrilled she slow played me too 😉 (Might be the only time she’s slow played anything eh? 🙂 )
I am officially a new fan. Not just as an ode to Ashley, but because you are a damn good writer! I knew Ashley through her amazing mom, and Ashley reached out to my daughter when she enrolled at UTA. You could not have said anything any better. And I agree that things are what they should be… she among other things have inspired you, and your writing inspires me. Thank you for a beautifully written, heartfelt and honest tribute to someone you truly loved and who genuinely loved you. Consider yourself one of the lucky ones, as we go through life, we have many we may call friends, but not many that are truly our friend. You have gained more in that short span of time than most will gain in a life time. Thank you for sharing this very precious gift <3
Thank you so much, Karen! How Ashley -like to bring me new readers because my number one reader was taken away. I’m not surprised by all the lovely memories everyone is sharing–there’s an underlying theme behind all of them: we were fortunate to be touched by Ashley’s spirit during her short time with us.
I am officially a new fan. Not just as an ode to Ashley, but because you are a damn good writer! I knew Ashley through her amazing mom, and Ashley reached out to my daughter when she enrolled at UTA. You could not have said anything any better. And I agree that things are what they should be… she among other things have inspired you, and your writing inspires me. Thank you for a beautifully written, heartfelt and honest tribute to someone you truly loved and who genuinely loved you. Consider yourself one of the lucky ones, as we go through life, we have many we may call friends, but not many that are truly our friend. You have gained more in that short span of time than most will gain in a life time. Thank you for sharing this very precious gift <3
Thank you so much, Karen! How Ashley -like to bring me new readers because my number one reader was taken away. I’m not surprised by all the lovely memories everyone is sharing–there’s an underlying theme behind all of them: we were fortunate to be touched by Ashley’s spirit during her short time with us.
This is beautiful 🙂 you did such an amazing job of capturing Ashley’s spirit in this post! Thank you for sharing your memories 🙂
Thank you, Michelle!
This is beautiful 🙂 you did such an amazing job of capturing Ashley’s spirit in this post! Thank you for sharing your memories 🙂
Thank you, Michelle!
i don’t really tweet or say a ton via the web but that was a great piece and much appreciated.
be the best you…that’s all we can do
Thanks, Tony. Indeed we can–I expect you to hold me accountable, and I will do the same to you.
i don’t really tweet or say a ton via the web but that was a great piece and much appreciated.
be the best you…that’s all we can do
Thanks, Tony. Indeed we can–I expect you to hold me accountable, and I will do the same to you.
This was beautiful and captured Ashley perfectly. Thank you for taking the time and having the clarity to put this out there. Ashley was one of my best friends and I can’t believe this has happened and that I will never speak to her or hug her or laugh or cry with her again. I knew she was a force of nature. Who didn’t right? She approached the beginning to our friendship in a similar way, she took me by the hand knowing we would be life long friends. I knew she had lots of friends and it is wonderful to see just how many people she truly touched. This is a tragedy that will take a lifetime to heal from.
Stephanie, thank you so much. I’m glad that this post helped a little. Sounds like Ashley was good, nay great, at picking her friends. I don’t know if we can ever fully heal, but I know that as long as we continue to celebrate the force known as Ashley, we’ll be okay. And knowing that we have each other to lean on will help too. Big hug!
This was beautiful and captured Ashley perfectly. Thank you for taking the time and having the clarity to put this out there. Ashley was one of my best friends and I can’t believe this has happened and that I will never speak to her or hug her or laugh or cry with her again. I knew she was a force of nature. Who didn’t right? She approached the beginning to our friendship in a similar way, she took me by the hand knowing we would be life long friends. I knew she had lots of friends and it is wonderful to see just how many people she truly touched. This is a tragedy that will take a lifetime to heal from.
Stephanie, thank you so much. I’m glad that this post helped a little. Sounds like Ashley was good, nay great, at picking her friends. I don’t know if we can ever fully heal, but I know that as long as we continue to celebrate the force known as Ashley, we’ll be okay. And knowing that we have each other to lean on will help too. Big hug!
This is beautiful.
Thank you <3
This is beautiful.
Thank you <3
This is beautiful. Ashley left a boot print on everyone’s heart. This is an amazing story about two people that made fantastic memories. Thanks for sharing. I was Ashley’s babysitter/family friend and we miss her so much. My heart aches for her family.
Thank you, Colleen. Bootprint–I love it 🙂
This is beautiful. Ashley left a boot print on everyone’s heart. This is an amazing story about two people that made fantastic memories. Thanks for sharing. I was Ashley’s babysitter/family friend and we miss her so much. My heart aches for her family.
Thank you, Colleen. Bootprint–I love it 🙂
Sejal, I’m sorry I’ve been so out of the loop. I just came upon this. Your post was really beautiful. Ashley sounds a lot like you- charismatics, loving, and generous. I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of such a good friend/person. I’m glad you both had each other though. It sounds like an amazing friendship.
No worries, Sau. Thank you for your kind comment and kind words. It was an amazing friendship and I feel blessed to have had her in my life, albeit a short while.
Sejal, I’m sorry I’ve been so out of the loop. I just came upon this. Your post was really beautiful. Ashley sounds a lot like you- charismatics, loving, and generous. I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of such a good friend/person. I’m glad you both had each other though. It sounds like an amazing friendship.
No worries, Sau. Thank you for your kind comment and kind words. It was an amazing friendship and I feel blessed to have had her in my life, albeit a short while.
Just came here through your post on fb.. First off- a big hug. And from all that you have written, ( pardon my daring) it looks like Ashley will now be spreading her unique brand of magic and (good) mayhem wherever she has gone. You were both so blessed to have such an amazing friend in your lives and even though her physicality won’t surround you anymore, she won’t be able to leave your heart and that’s where the best relationships remain. Sorry for your loss again and condolences to Ashley’s family.
Thanks Tanvi (big hug)! She sure will 🙂 You said it perfectly. Thank you for your sweet words.
Just came here through your post on fb.. First off- a big hug. And from all that you have written, ( pardon my daring) it looks like Ashley will now be spreading her unique brand of magic and (good) mayhem wherever she has gone. You were both so blessed to have such an amazing friend in your lives and even though her physicality won’t surround you anymore, she won’t be able to leave your heart and that’s where the best relationships remain. Sorry for your loss again and condolences to Ashley’s family.
Thanks Tanvi (big hug)! She sure will 🙂 You said it perfectly. Thank you for your sweet words.
Hi Cuz. I happened across this. So sorry to you and her family/friends for the loss. Ashley was obviously an incredible person and from the way you speak of her it is clear she made a lasting impact on your life and those around her. I have no doubt through you she will continue to have a lasting positive influence on the lives of others.
Thanks cuz <3 She may be gone, but her spirit and impact will live on.
Hi Cuz. I happened across this. So sorry to you and her family/friends for the loss. Ashley was obviously an incredible person and from the way you speak of her it is clear she made a lasting impact on your life and those around her. I have no doubt through you she will continue to have a lasting positive influence on the lives of others.
Thanks cuz <3 She may be gone, but her spirit and impact will live on.
Sejal, what a beautiful blog! I am so sorry to hear about your friend. It brought tears to my eyes. I am sure she has read this and is smiling from above. 💜Me
Thanks, Reshma. I hope so 🙂 I’m glad sharing her story and spirit touched you too 🙂
Sejal, what a beautiful blog! I am so sorry to hear about your friend. It brought tears to my eyes. I am sure she has read this and is smiling from above. 💜Me
Thanks, Reshma. I hope so 🙂 I’m glad sharing her story and spirit touched you too 🙂
Sejal, this is such a touching blog post/dedication to your friend. The spirit of her shines through your words (I can’t stop crying while also feeling like she was an amazing person). I’m so sorry for your loss and yet through your story inspired to live life a little more fuller (not sure if that makes sense). This is absolutely beautiful, thank you for sharing.
Thank you, Tee, for the kind words and for sharing how Ashley’s spirit has touched and inspired you. Can’t wait to see what life has in store for you to soak up and embrace 💗
Sejal, this is such a touching blog post/dedication to your friend. The spirit of her shines through your words (I can’t stop crying while also feeling like she was an amazing person). I’m so sorry for your loss and yet through your story inspired to live life a little more fuller (not sure if that makes sense). This is absolutely beautiful, thank you for sharing.
Thank you, Tee, for the kind words and for sharing how Ashley’s spirit has touched and inspired you. Can’t wait to see what life has in store for you to soak up and embrace 💗
Ma’am, I am one of Ashley’s older longtime friends… from way back in the Mount Pleasant days… I’m Ricardo Martinez and I just wanted to say thank you for bringing a tear to my eye and a smile on my face. You got to experience one of the most beautiful people any of us have ever had the pleasure to know over time and yet you fittingly described my friend Ashley in a few paragraphs, beautifully. Thank you. You were a great friend indeed. I’m going to share this within our circle of friends as an ode to this beautiful person. Thank you for this.
Thank you, Ricardo. Amazing how we all experienced Ashley’s friendship in different ways yet there’s a common thread (her amazingness) weaves throughout our stories and memories. I’m touched that I was able to evoke great emotion from you and capture our friend’s spirit.
Ma’am, I am one of Ashley’s older longtime friends… from way back in the Mount Pleasant days… I’m Ricardo Martinez and I just wanted to say thank you for bringing a tear to my eye and a smile on my face. You got to experience one of the most beautiful people any of us have ever had the pleasure to know over time and yet you fittingly described my friend Ashley in a few paragraphs, beautifully. Thank you. You were a great friend indeed. I’m going to share this within our circle of friends as an ode to this beautiful person. Thank you for this.
Thank you, Ricardo. Amazing how we all experienced Ashley’s friendship in different ways yet there’s a common thread (her amazingness) weaves throughout our stories and memories. I’m touched that I was able to evoke great emotion from you and capture our friend’s spirit.
[…] it will happen sooner vs later. It was my friend’s boyfriend calling to let me know that my friend had unexpectedly passed away. The friend who I had just texted days before because I know she wasn’t feeling well. The […]
[…] it will happen sooner vs later. It was my friend’s boyfriend calling to let me know that my friend had unexpectedly passed away. The friend who I had just texted days before because I know she wasn’t feeling well. The […]